Carol's Diary
by favorite5
Summary: *Found hidden in a hollowed out book in her apartment...Follow Amity transfer Carol Abner through her rigorous Dauntless initiation. Watch her grow through her diary as she makes new friends, relationships, and some big mistakes. Reading Carol's diary may reveal a side of her you may not know... (*Contains spoilers for Divergent Fanfic*)
1. June 3rd

_June 3rd_

_Dear Diary,_

_I suppose that since my diary from Amity is no longer with me, I should write a new one. Old habits die-hard. I am the only transfer to Dauntless from Amity. It sucks being alone. Two boys caught my eye during the Choosing Ceremony. I sat with both of them on the train. Christopher (who changed his name to Chris) and Noah. Chris is from Candor. I don't get him. He's funny and he seems very smart, but he's also shy, which is strange for Candor. I wonder if he is Divergent…._

_They helped me jump off the roof; we had to jump off a __freaking roof! __to get into the compound. (I was fifth jumper) The Pit only strengthened my fear of heights. The walls are so rocky and high. I don't know if I'll make it here. The factionless seems like a feasible option now…_

_We (we being all the initiates) have two instructors. And Eric. Our instructor's are called Four and Six. Why? Those are such strange names. Six has about a million ear piercings and bird tattoos. Four seems tamer, but has a strange tattoo curling around his neck. It's completely obvious that they're together. Chloe (My other friend from the train) Chris, Noah and I saw Four wrap his arms around Six and suggest they get married. I wonder how old they are and what faction(s) they're from. Both of them have to be at least seventeen. Six doesn't look that old, maybe eighteen at the most. Four looks really old. Like twenties old. I have the feeling they're from the same faction…. Dauntless born? I doubt it._

_Eric is a total freak. He has more piercings than I have hairs. His hair is so greasy it makes me want to yank him under a faucet and introduce him to the concept of shampoo. Chloe is nosey. Like nosier than I am. She wanted to know about my life in Amity. I didn't say anything I just sat by Chris._

_I claimed the bunk in the back. I share it with Ella. She seems nice. Very chatty I must say. I think we'll be great friends. I need to make a friend. I need to put this away before people start filing into the dorm room. It's odd boys and girls sleep together… Training starts tomorrow. Let's see how long I last…_

_Carol xo_


	2. June 4th

_June 4__th_

_Dear Diary,_

_I broke a bone today. Okay well, Four broke a bone of mine. (It wasn't even a bone. It was my nose, which, if I am correct is cartilage. And I am correct about that.) The nurses said it should heal quickly. _

_Chloe is, in a word (Okay words), Queen Bitch. She kissed Four today. Kissed Four! Even though she knew he's with Six! (Six's name isn't really Six either. It's Tris.) She (She being Chloe, not to confuse pronoun and antecedent… Ew I sound like and Erudite) gave me this look today when we were shooting guns (I was the first to hit the target) then she just did it! She's such a slut. Six (er.. Tris) ran out of the room in tears. I ran after her and then Four…. Well he broke my nose._

_I got some interesting information out of Tris today. She transferred from Abnegation (which is very hard to believe) and that she came in first after the end of her initiation. She told me she and Four climbed a Ferris Wheel, and that they got together during initiation. There seriously has to be a rule about that. I like her though; I mean she seems nice enough._

_Her friend Christina is just a tad annoying. It's obvious she transferred form Candor she would not shut up! I wanted to stick scissors in my ears or have Four punch me in the nose again rather than listen to her jabber about girly things. It was kind of nice though, made me feel like I had friends._

_Everyone is sleeping right now. I'm just writing in the dark…I talked to Ella too. She and Scott are going out. They look good together all tall and….Well that's about it. They're tall. Noah snores. It's kind of (Okay, it's __REALLY)__ annoying. This stupid bandage on my nose is really itchy. I want to rip it off but Christina said to change it after twelve hours. Or was it fourteen? I really can't remember._

_So far initiation isn't very hard, I mean I guess that's only coming from the fact that I trained half the day and hit the target first try though. I hope it stays this easy….Actually I don't. I hope it gets harder. I hope that living in Dauntless is at least a little challenging. I mean it wouldn't meet my expectations if it weren't. _

_Carol xo _


	3. June 5th

_June 5__th_

_Dear Diary, _

_The mascara filled tearstains on this page is my way of mourning for Scott and Ella. I swear to God, (well I don't swear to God, I just swear…) that Eric is the sickest, twisted, filthy, bastard that has ever walked the face of the planet. He killed them. It wasn't Ella's fault she wasn't strong enough to hang on…. What kind of psychotic person comes up with punishments like that? Now she's dead, and Scott is too! What if I had gone to training late? What if I had to have over the Chasm? Would I have made it? I don't know if anyone could…._

_I held Noah's hand before it happened. Tris pointed me over to him he looked very lonely. (Aren't we all….) I think he appreciated it. I hope he didn't take it as something more, I like him, he's nice, but I don't think I want to be in a relationship with him. Only time will tell…. (I highly doubt it though)._

_Christina promised to introduce me to Uriah. He's the tan Dauntless born trainer. I'm pretty sure he and Tris are friends. Christina says I'll love him, but Christina says I'll love everybody. She doesn't know how much I _hate _people in general. I'm looking forward to meeting him, I mean who doesn't look forward to meeting cute boys?_

_I'm going to get a "makeover" from Christina before the funeral. If a girl said that back in Amity I would have instantly pegged her as snobbish. I guess it'll be okay though. If there are people there and they're looking at me…I don't know if I can do this… (Go to the funeral, I mean.) I've never been good at mourning. Jaron would always hold me in his arms and tell me "It's not going to be okay, but that's alright. The feelings are just going to be a part of you now. You'll have to decide where to put them." Oh how I miss my big brother…_

_Carol xo_


	4. June 6th

_June 6__th_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today was a crazy day. Chloe tried to punch Tris and they got in a huge fight. That wasn't on my mind though. On my mind was last night…._

_With Uriah._

_I was walking back to the dorms and I saw him (This is after we had been introduced to each other). We started talking and then…..Things got out of control. Really, really, really out of control. More than they should have. I don't know why I let him…. It's not like it was my first time…Rob…..I am such a slut. I'm no better than Chloe, just a little more secretive._

_Maybe I'm just mourning Scott and Ella in my own way or maybe I just want to feel less alone. I want to feel loved. I think I like Noah though… He's kind and caring (Even if he snores) and selfless. Is he Divergent too? I wish I knew who was and wasn't. It would make things so much easier. And why is Divergent dangerous?_

_I got my ears pierced today. I think it was my way of getting over Uriah. Not that I was in love with him in the first place… Maybe I just needed a distraction. Maybe I just wanted to have a little fun….It's so complicated. My feelings really confuse me sometimes…._

_Carol xo_

**A/N **

**Sorry for no updates on any stories. There've been yearbook emergencies….(and I'm editor of the Yearbook...) Updates by Sunday.  
**

**xx**


	5. June 7th

_June 7__th_

_Dear Diary,_

_Chris is a total ass. A total ass! I mean what's his problem!? Today was out first day of fighting and Chris beat Noah to a pulp. Then he just kept beating him! I told him not to beat a dead horse and Tris backed me up. Poor Noah, I mean he's so much smaller and weaker than Chris. I feel bad for him. I can't stand Chris anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up with Chloe at the end of initiation. _

_Speaking of the she devil she attacked Tris today. She's always trying to pick a fight with someone. Bitch. Tris gave her the bad nurse too. I don't know if she's bad, but she's not Christina. Chatty chatty Christina…. _

_I also got my ears pierced today. Just the lobes. Not the cartilage or anything. I still want to have a _little_ class. I don't see how all the Dauntless have rings all over their faces. It makes me want to throw up. My face is not made for adornment, it's for first impressions and judgment. (That makes faces sound really good. Their purpose cannot be understated. * eye roll *) _

_I think I'm doing a pretty good job of pulling off the weak little Amity girl. That's not who I am, not who I want to be, but it's how I'll make it through initiation. It's how I'll stay alive._

_Uriah said hi to me this morning. I said hi back. Just normal conversation between us, like nothing changed. Only things did change. Things are so much more different than they were before…. This could be good for me though. He could keep me Dauntless. I could not be factionless. I could not. I will not._

_I will be Dauntless if it kills me._

_I am determined._

_Carol xo_


	6. June 8th

_June 8__th_

_Dear Diary,_

_I have come to a very important postulate about Dauntless initiation: It sucks. Today, I was beat to a practical pulp by Melissa, watched Noah be beat to a pulp by David, and had knives thrown at my head by Tris. Eric is annoying as Hell with his greasy hair and pierced face. Whenever I hear his gruff voice it makes me want to drink toilet water-I hate him SO much. _

_The only [sadistically reassuring] thing that happened was Chris be beat by Paul. I hate them both; I wish they would just drop dead. Chloe was right Chris is strange. One moment he's cracking a joke and the next he's enigmatic and unorthodox. _

_I really like Noah though. He's so sweet and caring. He has yet to outgrow his Abnegation softness, but that's okay with me. Nothing is wrong with that as far as I can see. I don't think he would ever do anything to hurt me (physically or emotionally). _

_Another odd thought: Four wasn't in training today. I wonder what happened. I don't like him, but I don't dislike him. I hope nothing bad happened to him. I defiantly don't have a crush on him like Chloe does (Obviously I have feelings for Noah). It just bothers me that I don't know what-_

_I hear footsteps, and I definitely don't need anyone reading my diary right now._

_Carol xo_


	7. June 9th

_June 9__th_

_Dear Diary,_

_Last night…was crazy. When I heard the footsteps, I was just in time to shove my Diary in between my mattress and bedframe before people came storming into the dorms. Four was there, which was weird since he was absent from training that day._

_Noah and I held hands in the back of the train. It was just like Robert, only sweeter. When we jumped off the train we divided up into teams (Noah and I were on the same team). I was paired with this Dauntless girl named Amber to hide the flag. (We hid it in the fire extinguisher box)._

_Anyways, we were doing this and I swear I heard Chris talking about me. He was paired with this kid named Grey. That bothers me on so many levels. I think he's just jealous of Noah. Or maybe not. He'll probably end up with Chloe (Chris, not Noah. Noah will end up with me.)_

_Training starts later today; Eric's to busy being pissed about his loss to train us. Visiting Day is tomorrow, or the next day or something. It doesn't matter to me. My family isn't coming. My parents hate Dauntless and I haven't seen Jaron since I was like 13. I should write him. It's been a while._

_The few that will be eliminated are going to be announced soon. I hope I won't be one of them. That would sure suck._

_It's time for me to go to training. I don't think fights will be very interesting today….but I could be wrong._

_It wouldn't be the first time. Who the Hell knows what to expect in this place?_

_Carol xo_


	8. June 10th

_June 10__th_

_Dear Diary,_

_It's visiting day today and I'm sitting with Chris in the dormitory. I don't ask why he's not going out but he doesn't ask me either. Our effort to make conversation is non-existent…I'll look at him, I assume he looks at me and wonders what I'm writing...I wonder if he'll pick it up and read it when I'm done… Oh well. He can know that I hate him, and everyone else that sleeps here for that matter._

_Yesterday, Noah and I were paired to fight. Noah scared me, passed out and went to the infirmary. Chris was then paired to fight with me…I won. It was almost like getting back at him for what he did to Noah… Almost. There was something that felt guilty about it, something almost painful about hurting him._

_I've been thinking about the kiss with Noah last night, the night before, whatever. It didn't seem real, almost. Like there was no spark. I've never felt a spark while kissing someone; I assume it's a real thing. I've read about it in books so many times that it has to be real or I'm just a freak of nature that feels no spark. Will I know if I feel it? I mean I really like Noah…. Is he just a bad kisser? Am I a bad kisser? No…_

_Chris just walked by and said "M'lady" while snatching my pen. I told him to knock it off. He's taking a shower now….stop fantasizing Carol. Just stop. I really wonder why he's not going out there. Do his parents just hate the Dauntless like mine? I remember they didn't go see Jaron when he transferred either. I wanted to but they wouldn't let me. Now that I think about it, they sure had a lot of hate for Amity._

_I wonder how Jaron is. Did he see me choose Dauntless? Was he proud or ashamed? Will I ever see him again? I often have the dream, of us picking apples off the tree, then I sit on the branch and he'll push me off into the barrel. It's like a faded memory now, but I'll never get tried of it. _

_Carol xo_


	9. June 11th

_June 11__th_

_Dear Diary,_

_It was our first day of going through fear simulations and I'm sure that everyone is a little shaken. Some more than others. My first fear was going through and having to read out loud, which is a total nightmare since I always get the words wrong. Stupid dyslexia. Mr. Auld, one of my favorite teachers, was there. He was yelling at me and trying to get me to do it, which is something he would never do._

_I think the point of fear simulations, besides overcoming your fears and learning to control them, is to see how much you can take from your own mind. It's like a prison you're stuck in and only you can get yourself out. How much will it take me to get out of my own head?_

_I wonder what everyone else's fears are. I'm especially interested in Chris…he seems pretty…broken right now. _

_Noah's freaking out, and I hate to admit that he's acting like a total pussy. My fears were scary-sure, I mean they're fears what do you expect? There's nothing wrong with being fearful, but honestly the way he's reacting is uncalled total uncalled for. He's freaking out and totally suffocating me and it's driving me nuts. I can't dump him though; I really do like him. He's sweet and kind and caring and I'm afraid for him._

_I don't think he'll make initiation._

_But I think I will._

_Carol xo_


End file.
